When you call her ugly
The aftermath: based on true events
When you call her ugly it stays with her. No matter what role you played in her life, big or small, those words will burn in the back of her mind as long as she has memory. Even if years go by and no one even calls her that anymore, she’ll never stop bleeding and the voice inside her will never stop yelling.
When you call her ugly you turn the safe haven her body was meant to be into a minefield. Every look at the mirror will remind her of your words, the disgust in your voice and the mockery in your eyes. She may feel pretty for a moment but the more she stares the more uneasy she feels, every flaw suddenly crystal clear in front of her.
When you call her ugly you take away her confidence and every ounce of self-esteem she may have been holding. It’s as leaving her naked, bare, in the cold winter and hoping she doesn’t freeze to death.
When you call her ugly you might not even use that word at all. Instead you probably decide to make fun of her weight, the gap between her teeth, the color of her skin, the shape of her nose, the sound of her voice, the hair on her body. It will hurt the same anyways.
When you call her ugly you’re leaving broken plates behind for her to pick up. When you call her ugly you’re stabbing knives under her skin, cutting deep where no one can see. When you call her ugly you’re throwing her unprepared into a sea of self-doubt and self-loathing and she drowns.
Because you’ve broken the mirror in which she saw herself, you’ve altered her self-perception, you’ve planted this idea in her mind that she’s uneasy to look at and she scratches and scratches, trying to get rid of all the unpretty parts. If only it were as easy as peeling an orange so she could finally love herself again.
Originally written in january, 2020.
